I Always Suspected My Folks Were Crazy, But This Proves It

I turned three a little while back. (OK, it was actually a long while back. It was so long ago, Lyla has learned to crawl, stand up, dress herself, drive a car and file her own income taxes since then. I've just been too busy to post anything sooner. See, I have school on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings, gymnastics on Wednesday mornings, and I'm busy squeezing and yanking on Lyla during those four afternoons, plus all day Monday, Saturday and Sunday.)

Anyway, being the humble, shy, unassuming little girl that I am, I was merely hoping for some hand-me-down clothes or an adopt-a-goat postcard, or perhaps world peace, for my birthday. Instead, imagine my surprise when I walked into our family room to find this nifty gifty. Wow, drums! Do you know how much noise I can make with these things? I've got two words for you: Ear. And splitting. Word must have spread quickly about my gift, because any time one of the neighbors sees us, they say, "Sounds like someone got some drums for her birthday."

We have lots of fun pictures and news to get to. First, I'd like to welcome a new cousin, Sylvie Bea Bright, into the world. She was born on Oct. 5 in Los Angeles, and I'm hoping to meet her someday soon.

And now, on to the pictures....

This is Lyla. She likes to hog Mommy's lap.

This was my special Max and Ruby birthday cake that Mommy made for me. She made me share it with my friends, or I would have eaten it all.

I like to decorate cupcakes...

... but mostly, I like to eat them.

We had my party at a big playground.

I caught a ride to the party with Maya.

Lyla had some yellow stuff growing out of her ears...

... and a blue thing around her neck.

What, I can't have this candy?

Here, Dad, take this. I found some better stuff over there.

Leslie and Lyla enjoying a quiet moment together.

Here's Lyla telling Grandpa all about how cool I am.

Nanny came to town for my birthday. By the time she left, she had stickers on every square inch of her body.

Another present: an easel and paints. I call this painting "When Cookie Monster Jumped Off A Very Tall Building.

Hey! Don' zhake ma pissure wehn ah gog a mouffulla cookie!

Mommy, Lyla and an unknown person who is about to have their hat stolen and eaten.

Spread the word, y'all: Crack is whack.

Here we are with Grandma Janet in Philadelphia. I was just following orders: The photographer said, "Show us your best side."

This is a good picture, but you know what would make it better?

That's right -- my butt!

We went apple picking at school. Here's C.J. and I trying to figure out who's going to be throwing away the most apples at the end of the week.

Here's Lyla wearing her supper. She's always looked good in sweet potatoes.

I like my rubber ducky and my little boats. But Lyla is my favorite bath toy.

Lyla has seven teeth now, at last count. That has changed the whole ballgame, as far as how much I can get away with doing to her.

Halloween on Collington Avenue. I was a superhero. Lyla was a duck. Isadora was a unicorn, Stelly was a princess, and Mommy was a lady walking into a bar with a duck on her arm.

Lyla likes to put things in her mouth. If we're lucky, it's just her fingers. If we're not lucky, it's my potty.

Daddy and Lyla, comparing dimples.

Lyla and I have lots in common in this picture: our jammies, our smiles and our capacity for acts of utter malfeasance.

Bonus video I: Dada

Bonus video II: Crazy Dancing

Bonus video III: Big, Loud Birthday Present

Bonu video IV: It's Raining Candy!

Bonus video V: Happy birthday to me!

I'm Going Places

Here's a conversation that happens all the time when I'm with Daddy:

Random person: "Aw, she's so cute. How old is she?"

Daddy: "Thanks. She's zero."

Random person (with mystified/annoyed/blank look): "Um... I meant how many months?"

Daddy (pretending to suddenly understand): "Oh! Sorry, she's six months."

Random person (under their breath as they walk away): "How did a dork like him get a cute kid like her?"

Anyway, it's true: I just turned six months. Yep, the ol' half-year. The big "Zero-Point-Five." And, well, stuff is happening fast. Since we last checked in with you here at Lucinda In the Sky With Lyla -- that would be back in July -- I've started eating real food (if you can call pureed carrots, sweet potatoes, pears and bananas "real"), learned to crawl and outgrown pretty much any clothes that are smaller than 12 mos.

Yep, I'm gonna be a big'un, as Daddy says. I'm also going to be a fast-developer. In fact, it's entirely possible that I'll dunk one day -- when I'm seven. I can't talk yet, but if I could I'd tell Lucinda to watch out, because before she knows it I'm going to zoom past her in size -- and then there's gonna be hell to pay.

Sorry for the long delay between posts. We'll make it up for you here with an extra-long, end-of-summer wrap up, featuring travels to exotic locales, wild adventures and limitless cuteness.

Love,

Lyla (age zero)

Hello, folks. Welcome to my blog post.

Lucinda turns three next week. That's years, not months. We're having a party. Whoop-dee-freakin'-doo.

You know, I really hate what commercial air travel has become these days. There's just no legroom! And inevitably, I get stuck next to some grabby (almost) three-year-old who hogs the armrest and fails to return her tray table to the locked and upright position when prompted.

I've got just enough hair to use a barrette. Which is to say, more hair than Daddy.

Can you believe Lucinda's back there making pee pee on the potty? Isn't that hilarious? Why doesn't she just use a diaper like the rest of us?

I've noticed grown-ups think it's really cute for babies to wear things on their head -- such as barrettes, hoodies, caps and pureed sweet potatoes. I prefer an unadorned head, but I'll humor folks for a few minutes.

Your initial reaction to this is probably, "Aw, how cute!" But truth be told, at that exact moment I was thinking, "If Lucinda's nose gets any closer to my mouth I'm going to introduce her to my two front teeth."

Here's Lucinda in a rare moment of gentleness. Wonder if she's a little under the weather or something?

Lighthouse-touring on the coast of Maine. Mommy and Daddy ate lots of lobsters. Lucinda ate lots of clam chowder. I ate lots of boobies.

Lucinda loves the beach. In fact, she brought half of it home with her at the end of each day, between her toes and in her butt-crack.

Here's Lucinda reading the Bible in our hotel room. She was concerned that there were no pictures in the entire book, so she took it upon herself to draw some.

Yeah, sometimes I don't look my best first thing in the morning. You got a problem with that?

Next on "Stupid Toddler Tricks": Lucinda balances a soup spoon on her nose!

Here's Daddy trying to lure in unsuspecting Random Strangers for his lame "she's zero" joke.

No diaper... Ah, sweet freedom! (Incidentally, this is why you should always strip the comforter or bedspread off the bed in a hotel room before lying down.)

Beach fun with Mommy in New Hampshire. It's getting to be boobie time, isn't it?

Not sure why Lucinda felt compelled to ruin this picture with a hand over my face. Come to think of it, there's not a lot I understand about that crazy kid.

At the gate, waiting to board our flight home. "How many frequent flyer miles did you say we get for this flight?"

A happy baby: full tummy, dry diaper and clear conscience about the things that I've done.

Here's a quick lesson in how to accessorize (me), and how not to (Daddy).

A few months back I discovered these really cool, tasty things at the end of my feet. Life hasn't been the same since.

The well-cropped bathtub shot -- a staple of this blog for more than two years now.

Lucinda is either a) auditioning for a rap video, b) trying out Halloween concepts, or c) being her usual, silly self. I think the answer is c).

Lucinda felt she needed to test out her "floaties" prior to getting in the water. Apparently, they passed the test.

Grandma Gail has a good grip on Lu, just in case the floaties fail.

Here I am with Grandpa. How much time you think it'll take before that necklace charm is in my mouth?

I'm coming after that camera. One day I'm going to get it.

Kisses from Phoebe. Yuck!

I've yet to master the art of feeding myself. But I love to try!

Lu is watching one of her silly TV shows. I couldn't care less about the show. I'm just thankful she's distracted from her typical pursuit of messing with me.

On the beach in Stone Harbor, New Jersey. I have a hunch the contents of that blue bucket in the background are going to wind up on me.

See? What did I tell you?

Mommy is trying valiantly (but futilely) to keep my hands, mouth and "diaper area" from getting full of sand.

Hey, Lu. You sure do clean up purty.

Oops. Maybe I spoke too soon.

Lu: "I didn't do it." Me: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"

Escaping the scorching sun in our beach tent. Unfortunately, while it keeps out the sun, it can't keep out Lucinda.

Lu is saying "cheese!" I'm saying "Sweet-n-Low!"

The day is early, my diaper is still relatively sand-free and I'm still intrigued by this plastic piggie.

Now that I'm fully mobile, I have lots of exploring to do. I also have come to appreciate carpet.

Just noticed this now, but I think four of my heads would fit inside Daddy's.

A rainy day at the beach means only one thing: A trip to the arcade for some Guitar Hero. Unfortunately for Lu, this machine doesn't have the "Little Einsteins" theme song. Unfortunately for Daddy, it doesn't have "Love Train" either.

One of my favorite pastimes: Sitting around eating random kitchen utensils. Here I am sampling a delicious (and sharp!) serving fork.

I'll present this one without comment -- except to say there is a trunk full of "dress-up" clothes in our family room, and Lu ought to be permanently banned from it.